The title of this blog is a quote by Dr. Thomas Fuller - and never has a quote meant so much to me. In hindsight, have I valued my health? I don't think I have - like everyone, when you're playing the game of life, it's very easy to not acknowledge the illusive obvious, your health. I believe the more successful and wealthy (financially) you get during your life, the more disconnected you become from the realty of humanity, you forget you are a human being like everybody else, and believe you are beyond the realms of normal, and "nothing will ever happen to you" - but it is not until the inevitability of possible mortality reaches your front door, that you re-evaluate what is around you and realise it for it's true beauty and value what is keeping you from your mortality, your health.
I am guilty of this, as you live your life, get involved in your lifes affairs and worry over meaningless trivia, you lose touch with what should be loved, cherished and appreciated. It is not until you face possible death that you look back and see how you could have done things differently and see opportunities that may have been missed.
Would I change anything given another chance at life? No, because I'm a strong believer in the butterfly effect and that the things that have happened now are key to what we see before us - But I would have most certainly have changed my attitude towards things, I would have loved to have lived my life more optimistic, more fruitful and more fuller - As much as I hate using the word regret and don't believe in it for it's raw meaning - I do 'regret' not seizing moments and taking many opportunities, I wish I would have said yes to more things, as my brother calls it, being a 'Yes Man'.
My heart surgery is 2 days away now - I'm sitting in my room at 2:40am looking back at my life, reviewing the things I've done and what I could have done better. I do know it will be successful, but deep down I am very very scared - I am hiding my fear for the sake of the people around me, my close friends and family - I need to stay strong for them! People have stressed to me how these peoples are professionals and know what they're doing - I know this and have an unbelievable amount of respect and gratitude towards them, but I also know things can possibly go wrong, but you just hope and pray that it is not you.
I have written this post so I can look back and read it after I have recovered, to remind me of how precious life is.
Love Always,
Andy X
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